Quotes, Aphorisms, Laws, and Thoughts

Marriage

A bachelor is someone who never makes the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller (1917- )

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Helen Rowland (1875-1950)

A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
Anonymous

A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in hell.
François Rabelais (1494-1553)

A woman who takes her husband about with her everywhere is like a cat that goes on playing with a mouse long after she's killed it.
H.H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)

Alimony: bounty after the mutiny.
Max Kauffmann

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing.
Anonymous

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
Anonymous

Don't marry for money; it's cheaper to borrow it.
Anonymous

I married beneath me. All women do.
Nancy Astor (1879-1964)

I shall marry in haste and repeat at leisure.
James Branch Cabell (1879-1955)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Anonymous

If I don't marry her, I won't marry anyone. At least, hardly anyone.
Beachcomber

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Anonymous

It is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and married.
Anonymous

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.
Honoré de Balzac (1799-1850)

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

Marriage is an attempt to change the night owl into a homing pigeon.
Anonymous

Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
Anonymous

Marriage is popular because it provides the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

Marriage means commitment but so does insanity.
Anonymous

Marriage without love means love without marriage.
Kenneth Clark (1903-1983)

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
Anonymous

My toughest fight was with my first wife.
Muhammad Ali (1942- )

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Helen Rowland (1875-1950)

No one knows what true happiness is until they get married but by then, of course, it's too late.
Anonymous

None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors; the records do not show that Adam and Eve were married.
E.W. Howe (1853-1937)

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it takes two to carry it, sometimes three.
Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870)

The critical period in matrimony is breakfast-time.
A.P. Herbert (1890-1971)

The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce.
John Kenneth Galbraith (1908-2006)

The trouble with wedlock is that there's not enough wed and too much lock.
Christopher Morley (1890-1957)

There are few who would not rather be taken in adultery than in provincialism.
Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

Very few trial separations don't work.
Anonymous

We wedded men live in sorrow and care.
Geoffrey Chaucer (1340-1400)

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws.
Anonymous

When you see what some girls marry, you realise how much they must hate to work for a living.
Anonymous

You cannot pluck roses without fear of thorns,
Nor enjoy a fair wife without danger of horns.
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)