Quotes, Aphorisms, Laws, and Thoughts

Laws

(Anything in parenthesis can be ignored.)
Anonymous

1. Always hire a rich attorney.
2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Anonymous

1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
David Gerrold (1944- )

A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Anonymous

After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Anonymous

All generalisations are false, including this one.
Anonymous

Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Agnes Allen

Amand's Law of Management: Everyone is always someplace else.
Anonymous

Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
Anonymous

Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
Anonymous

Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Anonymous

Canada Bill Jones' Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.
Anonymous

Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Robert A. Heinlein (1907-1988)

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Anonymous

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason why it was put up.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't.
Harlan Ellison (1934- )

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin (1937-2008)

Even God cannot change the past.
Agathon (448 BCE-400 BCE)

First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
Anonymous

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
Anonymous

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Anonymous

If you are already in a hole, stop digging.
Anonymous

If you don't care where you are, you aren't lost.
Anonymous

If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
Anonymous

If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Anonymous

If you want to drown yourself, make sure the water is deep enough.
Anonymous

Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
Anonymous

Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
Anonymous

Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Anonymous

Mechanic's First Law: When in doubt, give it a clout.
Anonymous

Murphy's Law is recursive: washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Anonymous

Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
Anonymous

Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's
Nelson Algren (1909-1981)

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Anonymous

Never spit in a man's face unless his moustache is on fire.
Henry Root (1935-2005)

Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Anonymous

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Anonymous

Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Anonymous

Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away.
Anonymous

Osborn's Law: Constants aren't; variables won't.
Anonymous

Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Anonymous

People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Anonymous

Sweaty feet seldom come singly.
Anonymous

The average person thinks he isn't.
Anonymous

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Anonymous

The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Anonymous

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
Anonymous

The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Anonymous

The Universal Iceberg Theorem: Eight ninths of everything is hidden.
Anonymous

The Universal Library Theorem: There are no answers, only cross references.
Anonymous

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
Robert Benchley (1889-1945)

Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:
1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
Anonymous

When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
Anonymous

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
Anonymous