Quotes, Aphorisms, Laws, and Thoughts

Country Songs

All the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Pop Stoneman (1893-1968)

Although you're thirty, I still think you're purty.
Kinky Friedman (1944- )

And There was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt On
Anonymous

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
Weird Al Yankovic (1959- )

Does The Spearmint Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Billy Rose (1899-1966)

Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Trooper Jim Foster (1934-1996)

From The Gutter To You Ain't Up
Anonymous

Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind
Gene Watson (1943- )

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure
Anonymous

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
Dan Hicks (1941- )

I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
Anonymous

I Can't Take Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It
Janie Fricke (1947- )

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
Thom Sharp

I Flushed You From The Toilet Of My Heart
Johnny Cash (1932-2003)

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
Anonymous

I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
Anonymous

I Would Have Answered Your Letter Sooner, But You Didn't Send One
Anonymous

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
Anonymous

I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
Anonymous

I'm old enough to know better but I'm still too young to care.
Wade Hayes (1969- )

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here
Anonymous

I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
Anonymous

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will
Anonymous

If I Can't Find Mister Right, I'll Settle For Mister Right Now
Anonymous

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
Anonymous

If I Had To Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
Anonymous

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
David & Howard

If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
Jimmy Buffet (1946- )

If Today Was A Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
Anonymous

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
Anonymous

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Anonymous

If You Won't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Someone Who Will
Anonymous

Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
Lou Monte (1917-1989)

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Anonymous

She Got The Goldmine, I Got The Shaft
Jerry Reed (1937-2008)

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
C. Gagnon / B. Lachenmyer

Take Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I'm Trying To Kiss You Goodbye
Waylon Jennings (1937-2002)

Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You
Anonymous

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
John Wiggins / Gary Hannan

Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
Max D. Barnes (1936-2004)

The Weather is Here, I Wish You Were Beautiful
Jimmy Buffet (1946- )

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
Anonymous

What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made A Loser Out Of Me
Glenn Sutton (1937-2007)

You Are The North End Of A Southbound Pig
Anonymous

You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play
Anonymous

You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
Anonymous

You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
Anonymous

You're Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
Gene Watson (1943- )

You're Ruining My Bad Reputation
Anonymous

You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly
Kacey Jones